As some of you may, or may not, know one of my goals for 2014 is to "get rid of the toxins in my life". No, I'm not talking about food and dieting (I'm happy with my body) it has to deal with issues that arise that I may or may not have control over.
I used to have the tendency to stress over everything. A lot. Luckily, in the past few years I've been toning it down. It got so bad that I would get very bad headaches all of the time and I would snap at people when they didn't deserve it. I've calmed down a lot and I'm a more positive thinker. However, last nights events made me reflect on a lot.
When I say events, I mean the fact that I really couldn't get to sleep. I woke up numerous times. So much so that as soon as it hit noon today I was majorly tired. So tired that my eyes were burning, but I digress.
I took the time last night to think about situations in my life right now that I've been stressing or obsessing over. I wondered why I was. I'm going to be frank: this is something that has to do with friends and something I've been thinking about for years. A lot of stuff has been building up lately that would just annoy or anger me. In short, I feel like I'm putting more into the friendship than I'm getting.
I know, you are all probably thinking: why I'm still friends with them or something along those lines. Its because we have a few things in common. Otherwise, I don't really feel a connection anymore. Yes, I know, I should tell them how I feel. Adults tell me this all the time. Let me ask you a question: Have you ever been able to tell someone the honest truth without hesitating at first? Its never easy to tell someone how you truly feel. Because of this, I stirred in my own confusion, anger, frustration, etc.
Now, I'm moving forward. I have finally learned when to let go of something that feels like its run its course. I reflected today and came to the conclusion that people in my life come and go all the time. I wanted things to work with these friends but now I know they really won't, at least to the degree I would like for it to. I feel right now, personally, we've gradually moved from friends to acquaintances over the years.
I don't have a lot of friends, and I'm fine with that. I realized that I prefer having a small group of really close friends. I thrive better that way. I fell more safe and secure. It also doesn't hurt that my sisters are a portion of that group. :P I mean, if you can be friendly and/or friends with my sisters too then we're cool.
I'm a positive person, not to the point where you get annoyed with it. I focus on the brighter things in life. It may be a little hard to not be as close as I was to the friends I had at first, but I know this is the right thing to do. I know I need to slightly distance myself because I respect myself not to stay in a relationship where I give more than I get. I'll always root for them and what they want to do in their lives, I will always wish them the best, and I will always hope for good things to occur in their lives. Right now, it's going to be at a distance.
"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you." - Walt Whitman