Everyone who knows me knows that I'm not that found of young children. Yes, it is ironic seeing as I'm youth associate at a library, but hear me out. Baby's are adorable but they just lie their until they can gain motor skills to sit up, crawl, walk, and talk. I've never really felt like I've had maternal instincts towards children as it is. Sure, I have said in the past if I were to have or want children I would want to foster or adopt them. Got to keep that family tradition alive! Or at least start a new tradition.
I've never really found myself connecting to a child unless they were at the age where they can speak very clearly and we can have a conversation. I'm sure all parents know that moment when their child is trying to tell them something in their child-english that when you go and do what you thought they asked or said, your child gets frustrated because you did something wrong. You just don't know what it is. This has occurred for me numerous times during the programs I've run at the library, and I end up leaving the program so confused as to how I ruined the conversation or their game of imagination.
However, the one thing that ruins any yearning for me wanting to have children is that some who are school aged don't haven't fully mastered the skill of properly covering their face when they sneeze, and with this year's cold and flu season as well as the wide range of weather temperatures in my area, I've been hit a cold more times than I can count.
In a matter of days, I'll be starting my second semester of grad school towards my MLIS. I'd be excited, but to be honest, I'm a bit apprehensive. Or, maybe that's not the right word. I guess I just feel 'meh'. I know, it's not really a word and not an emotion but it's the best way to describe things. School has never really been that difficult for me. History, Science, and Math were classes that I was never excited to take, but of course they're the core few so you have to. I didn't even understand taking those courses in college either. I was really excited about college because I could take the classes I wanted to, same for grad school.
For my first semester, I took four classes and passed them all. Things went along smoothly save for a two-week patch. I was really worrying about having enough time to get school work done around working full time (being the only youth associate where I work which in turn means taking on much more at my job) and fielding all the group project virtual meet ups. Plus, I still wanted to have and keep a social life so I was re-arranging and rescheduling dinners out with friends or going to the movies or amusement parks with my sisters.
This semester I am taking three classes, but only one is required towards my degree. The other two are essentially electives and I'm happy to finally start taking classes in the area I'm really interested in. Getting to this point wasn't easy though - at least emotionally. After finishing my last semester I had roughly six weeks of break before classes start again. I did't really get to rest during it, because I was so worried about my scholastic status.
At the beginning of those six weeks I had a hold on my account, stopping me from seeing my grades because I didn't pay for the Spring semesters courses. I shouldn't have had a hold on my account because I'm covered by tuition deferral to give my financial aid time to kick in to cover my course fees. After receiving a letter in the mail in November saying my financial aid was added to my account (it wasn't), noticing the hold on my account, numerous phone calls, and emails, I was able to get the hold taken off. I was jut told to "make sure my financial aid pays off the fees before courses start." This gave me pause because I filled out all the forms correctly and months ago at the start of the semester, so why would it be my job to make sure the campus' financial aid office does its job?
My financial aid was added to my account a week before classes started. It did get added a week ahead, if you look at a calendar. In reality, it was a couple of days before even though it was marked as being added as early as the beginning of last week. Maybe it was due to the government shutdown (i did my research - apparently already approved funding wouldn't be affected), or maybe there were just errors/problems on the school's end, i don't know. What i do know is that it caused me more stress than it should have, even with my 2019 goal of trying to have a more positive outlook/thought process.
But the one thing that is causing me pause, is myself. I received a scholarship this past summer for my studies (which i later learned was a competitive scholarship) and I passed all of my classes with good grades. Part of me feels like it was kind of a fluke. Don't get me wrong, I worked hard and received my blessings due to my own merit, but I also feel like I'm chasing the impossible achievement of success that I feel like is put on me, but may not actually be there.
I don't like to talk about my grades anymore (I only talked about it with a few people) because I worry people will expect me to always reach the same levels as I did in my first semester. In some ways, it could be a "silent" race issue that's driving me to do well, not just for me but for all of us. I don't tell people that I struggle with academic papers, even though I'm an English major. I love doing research for papers (at least, on topics I'm interested in) but the actual professional, academic writing, gives me pause. People close to me have said that I "have nothing to worry about, you're a great writer." Ask any of my high school teachers, creative writing was much more fun to me and came easier. There's a reason I majored in English with a concentration in creative writing. Sure, I get good grades on papers but you didn't see me staying late after work to grab a study room and hole myself up until we closed so I could carve out more time to work on them. You didn't see me stay up until the early hours of the morning a paper was due (thank you 3 hour time difference) to make sure I lined up with each detail of a rubric.
In fact, i tend to clam up and try not to talk about school in general because it's all people ask when they see me. A graduate degree is a big thing, and I am working towards my career - something that I'm good at and I love to do. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to work in a library and get my degree at the same time. The library science field is a tricky world, and some people may have a master's degree but still not get hired for months to years after completing school.
I could be overthinking things like usual, but that doesn't mean my thoughts and feelings aren't valid. I guess we'll see once classes start. In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy the rest of my small vacation before my textbooks arrive (yes, i did procrastinate on this - but working in the library has saved me some money for having copies of textbooks I needed), and my schedule starts to fill up again. I feel, though, as long as I stay as organized as I was last semester, everything will turn out okay.
I picked the online school I am attending for a few reasons: it didn’t require GRE scores, it is all online, the classes are asynchronous, and there is a 3-hour time difference. The main selling points were that classes were asynchronous and that I have 3 hours of extra time to get my work done and turned in online. Recently, I used them both to my advantage.
What's up, everyone?
(The sky; airplanes)
I know, it's been a while! I'm sure I'm sounding like a broken record at this point. A lot has happened since my last post, which judging by the dates was Jan 2018. I was starting a review series (one of many which I said I was going to do), which I will get back to. However, this post is the start of a new series.
For those who may not know, I decided to go to school to get my Masters in Library and Information Science aka a MLIS. I've been working in libraries for about 4 years now, and I it helped me figure out what I want to do with my life: creating programming and a space for teens. My focus for my Master degree will be in Youth/Young Adult Services, however I like to learn and know about all the different roles in libraries so I will be taking various other courses to be more well rounded including management, grant writing, reference, etc.
This series of blog posts will be called M.L.I.S. to stand for "My Life in (Library) School". The biggest difference between grad school and college for me right now is that my program is entirely online. I'm working full time and going to school full time. I know, it sounds crazy but the program I am in is based out in CA so I get three extra hours to turn in assignments and its all online including office hours so it will work around my schedule. My other option would be to quit my job and move to a different state since there is no accredited MLIS program in my state, and moving wasn't an option for me. This way, I may be able to use my school work at work or vice versa. It's a win-win situation. Plus, I have the option to be on campus for my graduation or join a special ceremony online. Yeah, i think I'll take the chance to visit CA when the time comes! ;)
My classes officially started today but I had one class start before the semester. It started Aug st and I finished Aug 19th, when the overall finish date is Sept 18th. After doing the first class, I know I can handle grad school online. Confidence is the first step. I finished my first class with an A+. I am the last person to brag about themselves or talk about their accomplishments, but this is something I'm really proud of, so I wanted to share it.
So, check back from time to time to see how everything is going, if you'd like. I hope to keep this updated as I work through my program for the next two years.
Till next time!
"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you." - Walt Whitman